Surrender! How do you feel when you hear that word? Does it make you tense up? Feel out of control? Are you filled with the urge to fight back, refusing to give up the reigns and surrender?
If you were sitting here next to me, you would be able to see my heart rate increase as we begin the conversation about Surrendering. I’m one that likes to have control and am definitely all about knowing the “plans”! I mean, if I’m honest, not much happens in my household without me being at the center of the plans. Planning is my thing!
Now, let’s pause to imagine God laughing as I type these words. Because, I KNOW, I provide humor for him on a daily basis! I mean, who am I kidding? I have NO CONTROL! I am not the Ultimate planner of my life and how it will unfold. HE is!
I’ve been spending a lot of time the past few months slowing down and being still. Working to give up the reigns I love so much to hold on to and just frankly, getting out of God’s way. Y’all, I can wholeheartedly tell you I am a work in progress…probably always will be but I’m making progress nonetheless. I am learning the beauty in what truly surrendering to God really means. I am finding peace and freedom in not “knowing” what the next step is all the time. Yes, I really just typed that! I know…crazy, right? But SOOO true, girl!
Right now I feel like God has placed a blind fold over my eyes to help me learn to blindly trust Him and let Him be the ruler over my life, day by day and minute by minute. Easy? Ummmmm…NO WAY! But I am starting to really see the fruit of being blind. Seeking God first every day and giving my relationship with Him quality time is becoming a deep rooted desire in my heart and mind every morning as I wake.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the world! All the “Things”; I mean it really never ends, unless, WE make a choice. Choosing God, seeking Him for the next step in our lives instead of what people on Instagram or Facebook would lead us to believe is next; that is the sweet spot! God is the sweet spot! And He’s got me and you!
He works is so many amazing ways that my mind is continually blown. One of the things I have been praying for and asking for him to intervene in is to make me desire to want to spent more time with him. And because He is a good, good Father, that desire is growing by the day! And it isn’t just a quick 5 minutes of reading a devotional to check the box. It is reading multiple devotionals, scripture, journaling, being still and praying. And that time is beautiful! Sacred! A time when God lays things on my heart and speaks over me because I am making myself deaf to the noise of life during that time so I can BE with Him. I mean, REALLY, be present!
He is working in me and I know this will allow him to work through me too! So, while surrendering used to cause my entire body to grow tense, I am learning to lean in, laying my life and all that I have at his feet. Surrendering it all with a joyful heart and an excitement of how He will use this transformation for His good! And even when I have a lapse in judgement to try and take the reigns back, God is there is lovingly loosens my grip and reminds me that His plan is always going to be FAR greater than any plan I can orchestrate! And, I am beyond grateful for that reminder because I do believe that with every fiber of my being but old habits sometimes die hard!
Can I get an Amen?
Who am I? What a question, right?
Do you ever take time to really ask yourself this question and then actually EVALUATE the answer?
So, I know, I know…I have been EXTREMELY quiet for a few months now! When I say I have been going through a lot of reflection, reinvention and rest…I’m not joking!
The past 5 years have been a journey! A lot of learning, growing, laughing, crying, frustration, stress, celebration, pushing, fun, sacrifice, losing sight of what “really” matters and oh so much more!!!
You see, all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and a mom! When I was 29 I became a wife and when I was 32 my first son was born followed by my second when I was 34. Life was EXACTLY as I wanted it to be and prayed for it to be for SO long. I was blessed and happy but also began to feel lost and like I was losing myself! SO easy to do when you are in the throws of raising a family, right fellow mamas?
So, when my boys were 3 & 5 I decided to do something for me. I decided not only to work on my own health and fitness but to also start my own business helping others do the same.
I dove in head first with every ounce of my being! And I loved it! So many wonderful things about it! I was surrounded by amazing people, making amazing new friends and feeling needed while I was contributing to the world in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Sounds all good, right? Well, the problem for me was; I started to allow the “business” to define me. Whether I was happy, sad, frustrated. Whether I felt accomplished, successful or like a failure was all determined by if I hit my monthly goals or if I was doing as well as “she” was! The comparison trap is OH SO REAL and VICIOUS!!!!
Now this is “MY” story and isn’t true for every person that decides to build their own business. But for me, I was missing the mark. And I don’t mean the mark in my business. I mean the mark in my LIFE!
I was allowing the wrong things to drive me, define me and determine my happiness! I had allowed myself to become so tense inside that I had NO IDEA how to just breathe and allow the cards to fall as they were meant to.
At least I had NO IDEA, until now! This story is far longer than I will share in one post, but my reality the past many months has been about remembering and understanding WHO I AM! Who God created me to be! Who I am as a wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. I know God isn’t done with me yet! He has plans and I don’t know what those are yet but he pulled the rug out of from under me this past year to get my attention and help me refocus on the things that are the most important in life. My faith, my family, my friends and HIS purpose for me defined by no one else!
I have started a bible study that couldn’t have come along at a more perfect time! As I dive in it is helping me uncover insecurities, comparison and how to peel the layers of the onion back to get to the heart of who “Christy” is and who My FATHER created me to be!
So, for now, I am embracing time with my husband, my children, my family and friends. Time with God where I am working hard to listen and not just do all the talking! A challenge for me for sure! LOL!
REST is what God keeps saying! So, I am working on doing just that. No more agenda, pressure, comparison! Just me, in my lane, working to be the best version of myself as God intends!
My story will continue to unfold and I am at a place now where I am ready to begin sharing as I feel led to, not because I am pressuring myself with the “Oh my goodness I haven’t posted all day, I NEED to put something out there!” attitude!
I want to get back to being real, raw and authentic; agenda free! 2018 has a much different feel than the last few years have felt. I am excited for that and ready to see what God has in store!
Here’s to enjoying the journey and making progress in this life I have been given!
One of the things I do as a Beachbody Coach is train new coaches. This is one of my FAVORITE things! As we begin our journey together one of the first things we talk about is connecting with your “WHY”! Why do you want to be a coach? And not just the first answer the comes to your mind. We dig deep and really learn what each coaches motivation is as well as what is driving them to want to build a successful business!
I shared my why with the latest “trainees” and I felt led to post it here as well! I have been coaching for over 3 years and my reasons for coaching have gotten stronger, deeper and more meaningful with each passing year.
Below is why this was a choice I was meant to make!
Why did I become a Beachbody Coach? from Christy Bruce on Vimeo.