To my fellow Moms,
How many of you struggle with yelling at your children? You know, those times when your patience is tested, your frustration level is high and your nerves are shot! I, unfortunately, have reached this point many more times than I want to admit to you. But, in hopes of providing encouragement and a healthier way to deal with these times, I am putting all my cards on the table.
It wasn’t very long ago, when I was facing a situation with my youngest son that truly had my blood boiling. I was angry and so disappointed. I remember asking Jesus to help calm me down before he walked in from school that day, since I had learned about this situation after he had already left for the day. Y’all, there was a lot of praying going on! A LOT!!!
When he got home, I worked really hard to stay calm, listen, digest his words and learn the reasons why he made certain choices. And then I asked him this question, “Why didn’t you just come to me and tell me what happened?” His answer is what stopped me in my tracks and literally took my breath out of my lungs, and not in a good way!
He said, “Mommy, I don’t have the courage to come and tell you these things because I know you are going to yell at me and I don’t want to be yelled at!”
His words literally punched me right in the gut! But, frankly, it was a gut punch I DESPERATELY needed!
I’m have a fiery personality and can me more reactive than responsive at time. This truth hurt me in my core! I had created this fear in my child! I was guilty of yelling too much and too often. My actions caused my son to think lying would be easier than telling me the truth! OH MY!!
And right then in the middle of this conversation, Jesus provided an idea that has changed EVERYTHING!
The words, “SAFE ZONE” is what Jesus spoke over me.
Since that day, when either of my boys need to talk to me and share something they know won’t make me happy, they say, “Mom, I need a “safe zone” conversation.” And when the say this, I enter the conversation calmly, with an open heart, mind and ear! My promise to them is that I won’t do any yelling at all. They know this doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for what they share but they can rest easy knowing Mom isn’t going to yell at them.
I don’t want to be a yeller! And I definitely don’t want to be remembered as one when they are grown and gone. This new practice has allowed us to create stronger bonds, repair damage that has been done by my yelling and made me more mindful of the way I speak to my children. I use this with both of my boys to provide a safe, calm and secure environment, without the Crazy, Yelling Mom present. Do I get it right all the time? I wish I could say, “Yes!” but the truth is, no…I still fall short on some days. But when this happens I catch it much faster than I used to and we worked through it together! Because I know, if the lines of communication between us are broken, the struggles and division we would face would be unbearable! And that is not a reality I ever want to live in!
Maybe you can relate! Maybe the “safe zone” can help you in some way with your children, if you struggle with yelling like I have! I believe in the Mom network and that when we share our best practices, we can all benefit in one way or another to be the best Mom’s we can be! My prayer is that this has encouraged you in some way today!
What’s your “thing”? What is the quality, characteristic or attribute you possess that has gotten people’s attention? Sometimes, I don’t even think we realize we have a specific “thing” until a family member, friend or even a stranger brings it to our attention.
One of my most defining attributes in my laugh! But I will be honest and tell you that I didn’t realize it was unique until others pointed it out. My laugh was just my laugh! I mean it is the only way I know how to laugh. It wasn’t something I practiced or worked to perfect; it is just part of how God created me.
As a young girl, in a small town, the kids I went to school with were the ones who first brought my laugh and how LOUD and distinctive it is to my attention. Now at first, I felt myself want to hide from it. I didn’t want to stand out because I was the girl with the loud laugh. Can you relate? Is there something you either used to or still do hide or want to subdue about yourself because of what others say ir think?
I look back on my childhood and I don’t feel I was made fun of in a mean way about my laugh; at least not the majority of the time. And frankly, it wasn’t something I could change even if I wanted to. When I got tickled, I laughed and there was no holding back!
As an adult, I LOVE my laugh! I embrace it! It is ME!! Recently, I was texting with one of my best friends while I was in Dick’s Sporting Goods. In between texts, I laughed at something the sales clerk in the shoe department said to me. She immediately texted me back and told me she knew I was in Dick’s because she heard me! Clearly she was in Dick’s too but we didn’t know we were both there until my laugh gave it away!
I have learned that my laugh brings others joy and sometimes makes them laugh too! And that is a gift and a blessing as far as I am concerned.
I am sharing all of this with you to encourage you to stand tall and proud in every bit of who you are! Whether it is your laugh, smile, sneeze, the way you walk or run, your height, etc. it is YOU! And God created you wonderfully and to shine bright just as you are!
Be thankful for all the attributes that are unique to you. Don’t hide from them, no matter what anyone says. Allow every bit of you to shine bright and share your light with the world! Because no one else can shine YOUR light the way YOU can!
PS….In this week’s Progress Matters podcast I am elaborating more on this subject, making progress walking in my truth and prayerfully hoping that it encourages those who need it, to walk tall in your truth too! You can listen by clicking here: https://progress-matters.com/podcast
Surrender! How do you feel when you hear that word? Does it make you tense up? Feel out of control? Are you filled with the urge to fight back, refusing to give up the reigns and surrender?
If you were sitting here next to me, you would be able to see my heart rate increase as we begin the conversation about Surrendering. I’m one that likes to have control and am definitely all about knowing the “plans”! I mean, if I’m honest, not much happens in my household without me being at the center of the plans. Planning is my thing!
Now, let’s pause to imagine God laughing as I type these words. Because, I KNOW, I provide humor for him on a daily basis! I mean, who am I kidding? I have NO CONTROL! I am not the Ultimate planner of my life and how it will unfold. HE is!
I’ve been spending a lot of time the past few months slowing down and being still. Working to give up the reigns I love so much to hold on to and just frankly, getting out of God’s way. Y’all, I can wholeheartedly tell you I am a work in progress…probably always will be but I’m making progress nonetheless. I am learning the beauty in what truly surrendering to God really means. I am finding peace and freedom in not “knowing” what the next step is all the time. Yes, I really just typed that! I know…crazy, right? But SOOO true, girl!
Right now I feel like God has placed a blind fold over my eyes to help me learn to blindly trust Him and let Him be the ruler over my life, day by day and minute by minute. Easy? Ummmmm…NO WAY! But I am starting to really see the fruit of being blind. Seeking God first every day and giving my relationship with Him quality time is becoming a deep rooted desire in my heart and mind every morning as I wake.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the world! All the “Things”; I mean it really never ends, unless, WE make a choice. Choosing God, seeking Him for the next step in our lives instead of what people on Instagram or Facebook would lead us to believe is next; that is the sweet spot! God is the sweet spot! And He’s got me and you!
He works is so many amazing ways that my mind is continually blown. One of the things I have been praying for and asking for him to intervene in is to make me desire to want to spent more time with him. And because He is a good, good Father, that desire is growing by the day! And it isn’t just a quick 5 minutes of reading a devotional to check the box. It is reading multiple devotionals, scripture, journaling, being still and praying. And that time is beautiful! Sacred! A time when God lays things on my heart and speaks over me because I am making myself deaf to the noise of life during that time so I can BE with Him. I mean, REALLY, be present!
He is working in me and I know this will allow him to work through me too! So, while surrendering used to cause my entire body to grow tense, I am learning to lean in, laying my life and all that I have at his feet. Surrendering it all with a joyful heart and an excitement of how He will use this transformation for His good! And even when I have a lapse in judgement to try and take the reigns back, God is there is lovingly loosens my grip and reminds me that His plan is always going to be FAR greater than any plan I can orchestrate! And, I am beyond grateful for that reminder because I do believe that with every fiber of my being but old habits sometimes die hard!
Can I get an Amen?
Who am I? What a question, right?
Do you ever take time to really ask yourself this question and then actually EVALUATE the answer?
So, I know, I know…I have been EXTREMELY quiet for a few months now! When I say I have been going through a lot of reflection, reinvention and rest…I’m not joking!
The past 5 years have been a journey! A lot of learning, growing, laughing, crying, frustration, stress, celebration, pushing, fun, sacrifice, losing sight of what “really” matters and oh so much more!!!
You see, all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and a mom! When I was 29 I became a wife and when I was 32 my first son was born followed by my second when I was 34. Life was EXACTLY as I wanted it to be and prayed for it to be for SO long. I was blessed and happy but also began to feel lost and like I was losing myself! SO easy to do when you are in the throws of raising a family, right fellow mamas?
So, when my boys were 3 & 5 I decided to do something for me. I decided not only to work on my own health and fitness but to also start my own business helping others do the same.
I dove in head first with every ounce of my being! And I loved it! So many wonderful things about it! I was surrounded by amazing people, making amazing new friends and feeling needed while I was contributing to the world in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Sounds all good, right? Well, the problem for me was; I started to allow the “business” to define me. Whether I was happy, sad, frustrated. Whether I felt accomplished, successful or like a failure was all determined by if I hit my monthly goals or if I was doing as well as “she” was! The comparison trap is OH SO REAL and VICIOUS!!!!
Now this is “MY” story and isn’t true for every person that decides to build their own business. But for me, I was missing the mark. And I don’t mean the mark in my business. I mean the mark in my LIFE!
I was allowing the wrong things to drive me, define me and determine my happiness! I had allowed myself to become so tense inside that I had NO IDEA how to just breathe and allow the cards to fall as they were meant to.
At least I had NO IDEA, until now! This story is far longer than I will share in one post, but my reality the past many months has been about remembering and understanding WHO I AM! Who God created me to be! Who I am as a wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. I know God isn’t done with me yet! He has plans and I don’t know what those are yet but he pulled the rug out of from under me this past year to get my attention and help me refocus on the things that are the most important in life. My faith, my family, my friends and HIS purpose for me defined by no one else!
I have started a bible study that couldn’t have come along at a more perfect time! As I dive in it is helping me uncover insecurities, comparison and how to peel the layers of the onion back to get to the heart of who “Christy” is and who My FATHER created me to be!
So, for now, I am embracing time with my husband, my children, my family and friends. Time with God where I am working hard to listen and not just do all the talking! A challenge for me for sure! LOL!
REST is what God keeps saying! So, I am working on doing just that. No more agenda, pressure, comparison! Just me, in my lane, working to be the best version of myself as God intends!
My story will continue to unfold and I am at a place now where I am ready to begin sharing as I feel led to, not because I am pressuring myself with the “Oh my goodness I haven’t posted all day, I NEED to put something out there!” attitude!
I want to get back to being real, raw and authentic; agenda free! 2018 has a much different feel than the last few years have felt. I am excited for that and ready to see what God has in store!
Here’s to enjoying the journey and making progress in this life I have been given!
Do you ever stop and think how powerful a Prayer, YOUR Prayer, can be? In the midst of Hurricane Harvey and all the devastation, it has been laid on my heart to share that we can ALL make a difference. None of us are helpless and PRAYER is the answer!
Let’s band together to make a difference!
Let’s get real!! How many of you find yourself running the “rat race” and losing focus on running your OWN race?
I have been guilty of this COUNTLESS times! But God has been working OVERTIME on me, over the past 3 months and I wanted to share a little about what I have learned with you. I pray it will bless you and hopefully help you recognize your race separate from the “rat race”!
Progress Matters, Sweet Friend!
PS…if this message speaks to you, please share your revelation below in the comments! I would love to celebrate with you! 🙂