To my fellow Moms,
How many of you struggle with yelling at your children? You know, those times when your patience is tested, your frustration level is high and your nerves are shot! I, unfortunately, have reached this point many more times than I want to admit to you. But, in hopes of providing encouragement and a healthier way to deal with these times, I am putting all my cards on the table.
It wasn’t very long ago, when I was facing a situation with my youngest son that truly had my blood boiling. I was angry and so disappointed. I remember asking Jesus to help calm me down before he walked in from school that day, since I had learned about this situation after he had already left for the day. Y’all, there was a lot of praying going on! A LOT!!!
When he got home, I worked really hard to stay calm, listen, digest his words and learn the reasons why he made certain choices. And then I asked him this question, “Why didn’t you just come to me and tell me what happened?” His answer is what stopped me in my tracks and literally took my breath out of my lungs, and not in a good way!
He said, “Mommy, I don’t have the courage to come and tell you these things because I know you are going to yell at me and I don’t want to be yelled at!”
His words literally punched me right in the gut! But, frankly, it was a gut punch I DESPERATELY needed!
I’m have a fiery personality and can me more reactive than responsive at time. This truth hurt me in my core! I had created this fear in my child! I was guilty of yelling too much and too often. My actions caused my son to think lying would be easier than telling me the truth! OH MY!!
And right then in the middle of this conversation, Jesus provided an idea that has changed EVERYTHING!
The words, “SAFE ZONE” is what Jesus spoke over me.
Since that day, when either of my boys need to talk to me and share something they know won’t make me happy, they say, “Mom, I need a “safe zone” conversation.” And when the say this, I enter the conversation calmly, with an open heart, mind and ear! My promise to them is that I won’t do any yelling at all. They know this doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for what they share but they can rest easy knowing Mom isn’t going to yell at them.
I don’t want to be a yeller! And I definitely don’t want to be remembered as one when they are grown and gone. This new practice has allowed us to create stronger bonds, repair damage that has been done by my yelling and made me more mindful of the way I speak to my children. I use this with both of my boys to provide a safe, calm and secure environment, without the Crazy, Yelling Mom present. Do I get it right all the time? I wish I could say, “Yes!” but the truth is, no…I still fall short on some days. But when this happens I catch it much faster than I used to and we worked through it together! Because I know, if the lines of communication between us are broken, the struggles and division we would face would be unbearable! And that is not a reality I ever want to live in!
Maybe you can relate! Maybe the “safe zone” can help you in some way with your children, if you struggle with yelling like I have! I believe in the Mom network and that when we share our best practices, we can all benefit in one way or another to be the best Mom’s we can be! My prayer is that this has encouraged you in some way today!
Raising children is the HARDEST job I have ever experienced. I can remember as a young girl dreaming about being a Mom and how blissful it would be! Ignorance truly is BLISS! What I didn’t know, while I was dreaming, is how much work, prayer, and guidance I would need to have any success at all.
Recently, I faced a very difficult parenting moment with my youngest son, Walker. He was involved in a situation where he made a very wrong choice. As I learned about this event, he and I sat down and he shared that he had done what I was told and that he was really sorry. I could see the remorse in his eyes and the sadness in his heart but there was still more to discuss. He needed to understand why his choice was so wrong and how choices like this would lead to huge consequences as he continues to get older. We talked about the “Y” in the road that we face where we either make the right decision or the wrong one.
And then I asked him this question. “Walker, What would Jesus Do, in this same situation?” He paused and answered, “Not what I did, Mommy!”
One of the consequences of his choice was to sit and write “What would Jesus Do” 100 times. I feel like having the powerful question, engrained in his subconscious will help him navigate the decision and situations he will face for the rest of his life.
And this got me thinking, this question can serve us, as adults, well too! I know there are many times that if I had stopped and asked myself this question, my choice would have been different. It’s funny how when we are in the thick of parenting and working to teach our kids, we are also being taught ourselves.
So, I not only want to help my boys carry this question around with them, but I want to make sure it is one that I ask every time I am faced with a situation or a decision. Because, there is no doubt, Jesus will always point us in the right direction.
Every step we take is Progress, and it Matters!
Surrender! How do you feel when you hear that word? Does it make you tense up? Feel out of control? Are you filled with the urge to fight back, refusing to give up the reigns and surrender?
If you were sitting here next to me, you would be able to see my heart rate increase as we begin the conversation about Surrendering. I’m one that likes to have control and am definitely all about knowing the “plans”! I mean, if I’m honest, not much happens in my household without me being at the center of the plans. Planning is my thing!
Now, let’s pause to imagine God laughing as I type these words. Because, I KNOW, I provide humor for him on a daily basis! I mean, who am I kidding? I have NO CONTROL! I am not the Ultimate planner of my life and how it will unfold. HE is!
I’ve been spending a lot of time the past few months slowing down and being still. Working to give up the reigns I love so much to hold on to and just frankly, getting out of God’s way. Y’all, I can wholeheartedly tell you I am a work in progress…probably always will be but I’m making progress nonetheless. I am learning the beauty in what truly surrendering to God really means. I am finding peace and freedom in not “knowing” what the next step is all the time. Yes, I really just typed that! I know…crazy, right? But SOOO true, girl!
Right now I feel like God has placed a blind fold over my eyes to help me learn to blindly trust Him and let Him be the ruler over my life, day by day and minute by minute. Easy? Ummmmm…NO WAY! But I am starting to really see the fruit of being blind. Seeking God first every day and giving my relationship with Him quality time is becoming a deep rooted desire in my heart and mind every morning as I wake.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the world! All the “Things”; I mean it really never ends, unless, WE make a choice. Choosing God, seeking Him for the next step in our lives instead of what people on Instagram or Facebook would lead us to believe is next; that is the sweet spot! God is the sweet spot! And He’s got me and you!
He works is so many amazing ways that my mind is continually blown. One of the things I have been praying for and asking for him to intervene in is to make me desire to want to spent more time with him. And because He is a good, good Father, that desire is growing by the day! And it isn’t just a quick 5 minutes of reading a devotional to check the box. It is reading multiple devotionals, scripture, journaling, being still and praying. And that time is beautiful! Sacred! A time when God lays things on my heart and speaks over me because I am making myself deaf to the noise of life during that time so I can BE with Him. I mean, REALLY, be present!
He is working in me and I know this will allow him to work through me too! So, while surrendering used to cause my entire body to grow tense, I am learning to lean in, laying my life and all that I have at his feet. Surrendering it all with a joyful heart and an excitement of how He will use this transformation for His good! And even when I have a lapse in judgement to try and take the reigns back, God is there is lovingly loosens my grip and reminds me that His plan is always going to be FAR greater than any plan I can orchestrate! And, I am beyond grateful for that reminder because I do believe that with every fiber of my being but old habits sometimes die hard!
Can I get an Amen?
Do you ever stop and wonder if you want you are doing is making a difference in the lives of those around you? I was reminded recently that our efforts can make a bigger difference than we realize. I’m sharing what happened with you in hopes that it will help you recognize how your efforts MATTER to others and their journey in this life!
Every Step you take is Progress and it MATTERS! 🙂
Have you ever had A God-Given Vision? I seem to be experiencing those a lot lately!
When you have a vision that you know was given to you by God, there is always a crossroads where you have to make a choice! Do you decide to listen and do what you have to do to make it happen or do you RUN the other way??
A couple of months ago, God gave me a nudge to create my own Podcast! And I was like, “WHAT??” Me? Yes, it was scary but also exciting! Doubt came in to play. I wondered if I really had enough to offer others to warrant creating a Podcast! I prayed and prayed! God worked in my heart and mind! He showed me I do have things of value I can share that will, I PRAY, inspire, encourage, motivate and support others through the messages HE lays on my heart to share!
Well, today is a BIG DAY!!! A SUPER exciting Day!!! Can you tell I’m just a little excited??
The Progress Matters Podcast has LAUNCHED and I am BEYOND THRILLED to share it with all of you!!!!
If you decide to tune in, I pray these weekly messages help you to make progress in your life!
Every Step you take is PROGRESS & it Matters!
Visit https://progress-matters.com/podcast/ to gain access to the Podcast and subscribe so you get notified, each week, as new episodes are released!
Do you ever have days where you just feel a little “upsided”! Some days just don’t feel like things are flowing. Our Mojo isn’t present and to say we are flat is an understatement. BUT that doesn’t mean you give up or through in the towel! I know there are definitely times when that is my first thought, but if I can power through, I am reminded there is a much better solution! Maybe those upside down days are God’s way of saying, “Hey, trust in me and my guidance for your day and I will straighten it all out!!!
Be encouraged today and know that YOU always have God in your corner! And even when life is a little “out of whack”, everything is going to be ok!
Every step you take,(even if it is upside down), is PROGRESS, and it Matters!